I am a wild woman. I am out of control. Well, at least I was yesterday.
I started the day okay. I was running late, so I ate a banana and a string cheese on the train. Downhill from there. We had a special breakfast at work for those who received promotions (including yours truly, yay.) So my mid-morning snack, which is usually yogurt, was two pieces of french toast and a huge heap of homefries. Oooh those homefries were good, honey. So I had another plate more. Let me repeat that: I ate two plates full of homefries.
Perhaps now it’s a good time to mention what my trigger foods are: anything fried, high-fat food, carbonated drinks. I’m also lactose intolerant.
So. I had two plates of homefries. Which, um, DUH Carly, are fried. I had them with ketchup. So. Freakin. Good.
Yesterday was a very busy workday, so I made sure to schedule one of my meetings over lunch so that I’d actually eat lunch: good move. The bad move was having broccoli cheddar soup and a proccuito-brie-mayonaise pannini. Usually I wouldn’t mention condiments, but there was so much mayo on this sandwich that it counts as a 1/3 ingredient. Mmmmmm.
And then I started to suffer.
Now, it really wasn’t that bad. I’ve seen worse – I’ve HAD worse. But it wasn’t fun. I was just so…well…bloated. I just felt like Jabba the Hut.
Big, fat, bloaty, gross, me. To try to redeem myself, I ate some healthy(ish) afternoon snacks. And then I went home, where it got worse. My husband had to work late, so I did the whole eat-scraps-while-feeding-the-toddler thing. Dinner consisted of a handful of Cheerios and parts of a cereal bar that had been squeezed by those tiny fingers before being rejected. After I put her to bed, I rounded out this healthy meal with two chocolate chip cookies and – for some strange reason – a side-dish portion of broccoli with cheese sauce that I found in the freezer.
But I did this to myself, and have no one else to blame. Realizing I felt too disgusting to lay down last night, I went rummaging for something in the medicine cabinet to make me feel better. All I could find was Infant gas drops, and that’s exactly what I took. I took the dose indicated for “children over 2,” because, that sort of describes me, right? Needless to say, yesterday was not a high point in my life.
Also – and I’m not sure if this is because of the Infant gas drops or the fatty foods – but I had a very strange dream in which my mom paid Barry White $100,000 to perform for her, my dad and my sister in their living room while they ate ice cream in their pajamas. I don’t even think my mom likes Barry White.
This morning was a fresh start. I got up early and had a bowl of oatmeal with mixed berries. On the way in to work I had a banana, and I also brought with me an apple, an avocado, and a bag of gorgeous strawberries that my husband picked from our front yard yesterday morning. I’m expecting just as busy a workday as yesterday, so I’m hoping that having healthy (non-trigger) food with me will keep me in the safe zone.