Yesterday evening my daughter’s daycare had a Family Fun Barbeque, and I took her on the moon bounce. I’d forgotten how fun those were and just thought to myself, why haven’t I gone on a moon bounce in a while? This morning when I woke up and could hardly move, I realized why. Oh my god, I’m getting old.
The strange thing was, even though now my muscles are loose and no longer ache from the extra exercise, my finger joints still hurt just from my daughter holding my hand. That’s where the Crohn’s hits me first, and it’s unforgiving. The joints in my knee and toes are also locking up.
I spoke with my doctor about a half hour ago, and he wants me to go to Remicade next week, rather than wait another few weeks. I have an appointment with a rheumatologist next month, and after that Dr. D wants to see me to discuss medications and all my options.
I’m starting to get nervous. It’s been 3+ years since I had to consider a new medication, and I have one big, almost overwhelming worry – what if it doesn’t work? I have things I need to do! There’s no such thing as disability leave for a mom. I need to be able to hold my daughter and to keep her safe. And I need to be able to do things like hop on the moon bounce with her when she wants me to. What am I supposed to do when my Crohn’s keeps me from being a real mom to my daughter?