Sometimes I sit and reflect, and then wish I didn’t. This morning I was returning from a four-day weekend and rather than feeling refreshed, I was feeling pretty negative and sorry for myself. I tried to bring myself up out of it, just saying to myself that nothing is worth stressing over, and why am I letting stress get to me?
Stress is the biggest enemy of Crohn’s. It makes it worse and kicks off a seemingly endless cycle. I’ve learned that one of the best treatments for Crohn’s is any form of de-stressing that works.
So I’m walking into work and this is what I’m thinking: I’ve been working hard, even on my days off I ended up back in front of the computer just to make sure projects were doing well even in my absence. I’m trying so hard to be a good mom, but I never really know if I’m doing a good job, and our daughter’s been so difficult lately, entering those Terrible Two’s early. This morning she wouldn’t let me get her dressed because she didn’t like the outfit I picked out. Then she tried to put her shirt on as pants, and decided she also wanted to wear my cashmere scarf. My shoes, which have been comfy for so long, suddenly started hurting and cut into my heels. Huh? And I am pretty sure I was supposed to have follow-up appointments with Dr. Max and Dr. D, but for the life of me can’t remember if I’ve scheduled them or not. And when is my next Humira? I’m trying to be a good wife too, but with work, our daughter and my health it seems that’s the one thing that too often goes by the wayside – I can’t remember the last time we had a date, just the two of us, much less a conversation that wasn’t interrupted by flinging food.
And then – it all comes back to me. I am in a career I absolutely love, so that I CARE enough to check in, even when I’m on vacation. My daughter is a gorgeous little person, who makes me smile even when I’m having a tantrum. My health has been so good lately that I haven’t even needed to think about my doctors or drugs in days, maybe weeks. And I’m married to my soul mate, so in love that even 5+ years into our marriage I still look forward to our dates with giddy anticipation.
There, there it is. My life, my good life. Maybe I just needed some coffee. Oh – and some new shoes.