Category Archives: Funny Things My Kid Says

Disney(R) Princess(TM) Castle Security

No one could ever successfully break into my apartment. I realized that this morning as I tried to quietly get ready for my day in the dark. Here’s what would happen: you’d put on your dark clothes and black knit hat like a proper robber. You’d pick the lock and enter our apartment. Immediately you’d trip over a mountain of Disney(R) Princess(TM) dolls, and land on the Disney(R) Princess(TM) piano, which would start playing “Be Our Guest” at top screeching volume. At this point my daughter will wake up, and demand you give her juice. You will look in the fridge for juice, but there will be no juice because we’re always running out of juice. So to keep her quiet you let her braid your hair. As she stabs your head with plastic Disney(R) Princess(TM) barrettes, she’ll ask you a barrage of questions designed to make you go completely insane, including things like “does my hair have bones?” and “why are you wearing all black and no pink?” and “why don’t we have any juice?” At this point you’ll run screaming from the apartment…if you can get out at all.

But it doesn’t matter, because we don’t have nice things. So we’ll never be burgled.

Unless you really want Disney(R) Princess(TM) toys and accessories, in which case you don’t need to break in – just pull up your car and honk and we’ll happily help load it up.

Playdates

My daughter has 5 men in her life. One is her daddy, one is her grandpa, and the other three are her little friends who I’ll call A, E and T – three-year-olds like her, and each of them holds a special place in her heart and life. And somehow it feels like each of them love her more deeply than I would have expected from the preschool set. It’s so adorable I can’t friggin stand it.

She goes to daycare with A and T, and the teachers report that they regularly fight over her, with at least one of them ending up in tears. Usually the fight occurs because they both want to hold hands with her, and she’s a one-guy-at-a-time kind of girl.

This weekend we had a playdate at the zoo with E. They held hands the entire time.

The same evening T came over for a playdate and dinner. He brought a rose, wrapped up with baby’s breath in florist paper. His mom reported that on the way they passed a florist and he begged her to let him get a flower for my little munchkin. When they arrived at the door and he had that pink rose in his hand, I almost fell over.

She tells us she wants to marry A, but that all three are her best friends.

Sh*t My Kid Says

I can’t believe how funny my 3 year old is. Even when she’s insulting me, it’s funny. Yesterday we were having a cuddle and she sweetly stroked my face and then asked, “why you have wrinkles?” Sigh.

 

And this weekend as we’re making meatloaf, I was narrating the recipe as we went, “first we add the meat, then the veggies, then we mix,” and she said, “when does it turn into cupcakes?”

Where?

My daughter has this wonderful 2-year-old’s perspective on life that makes me so happy to see. She was out with her dad yesterday and they called me. I asked where she was; she replied “I’m next to daddy!”

And the other day, she had gotten a cut on her ankle, which I covered with a Curious George band-aid. When my husband came home I told him about it. He said to her, do you have a boo-boo? “Yes Daddy.” “Where is it?” “Under my┬áband-aid.”

The Munchkin is on a Roll

This week she was just hilarious. A few things:

She was sitting at dinner with her finger up her nose. My husband said – Are you digging for gold? She giggled. No, daddy! I’m digging for boogers!

She took over my cereal bowl at breakfast and started eating it herself. So I moved to the next chair and just watched her eat. You should share, I reminded her. She scooped up a big spoonful of cereal, got out of the chair and walked it over to me, as I’m screaming for her not to do just that. “Oh my god!” I yelled, as she dumped the cereal into my cupped hands. I went to toss it in the trash and wash my hands. When I came back, she was sitting in the chair again, spooning cereal into her cupped hand, yelling “Oh my god!” in a perfect mimic, and shoving the cereal into her mouth.