Tag Archives: dating with Lupus

NY Times Article on Dating

I was so glad to see this New York Times article on dating: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/28/health/28dating.html?_r=1&nl=health&emc=healthupdateema2

I was incredibly lucky in that I had already met my to-be-husband when I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, and we were already married a few years when I was diagnosed with Lupus, so I never had to deal with dating while also dealing with an incurable disease. Like finding a new job or parenting, I think dating is one of those inherently stressful situations where having a health problem makes it so very much more complicated. It’s great to see that there’s multiple websites dedicated to this, including Prescription4Love, which was started by a man whose brother had Crohn’s disease. (It says the brother passed away at 41, but doesn’t say whether it’s from Crohn’s or not.)

Now, that said, the complications don’t end with the ring. I remember my mom telling me once that marriage is just as hard as dating. I was shocked to hear this from her, because she and my dad have a wonderful marriage, but she explained that it takes so much work. I am glad we had that talk so many years ago, because she was right. I love my husband more than anything, so when the stress of life and especially my health become too much, it’s more important than ever for us to work through it. And that can be really hard sometimes. I probably couldn’t count how many fights we’ve had that really were because of my health when it came down to it. And he’s one of the few understanding ones who is so supportive. But when I’m sick and can’t help out at home, all the work – and stress – falls to him. So he has to work extra hard as well. And when I’m sick and stressed and he’s overworked and stressed, of course we get on each other’s nerves. 

I sometimes feel so bad that he unknowingly signed up for this. What if he’d been able to find someone who wasn’t as broken as me?