No Way. NO WAY. No Way.

So, as I posted the other day, I’m getting creeped out by having to exercise outside in the dark, even though I live in a safe neighborhood. I was wishing that my apartment building was fancier with a gym inside, because then I could exercise inside without even having to step outside. Even one treadmill would be nice.

So this morning I decided instead of going outside I’d do my speed walking in the building’s basement. It’s a really large building, and even though we’ve lived there a year I’ve still not explored all of it. I was hoping that doing laps in the basement would be interesting, and would definitely be warmer and less comfortable than going outside. Imagine my complete and utter surprise this morning when I turned the corner on lap one to find an exercise room. NO WAY. Seriously. An exercise room. It’s nothing fancy, in fact it’s part of one of the laundry rooms, but it has two treadmills and an eliptical trainer. No way! I am saved!

Spiderman! (woman)

Perhaps in honor of the new Spiderman movie, I’ve been accidentally running through spider webs on my morning run.

It is an incredibly disgusting feeling, especially at 5-friggin-o’clock in the morning.

Level 4 of Running

Yesterday I hit level four of the Chubby Jones podcast, which meant I got up to five minutes of non-stop running. I am so proud of me. Last week I took a few photos of my sleepy little town at 5:30 a.m. as I cooled down.

I love seeing the colors that the sunrise makes.

 

I was interested to know how I’d be clocked, but I didn’t even register. Soooo slooooow.

So Slow

I’m on week 3 of couch to 5k with Chubby Jones. I’m so slow it takes me a week and a half to do each week. I’m so slow it takes me 45 minutes to do a 20 minute session. I’m so slow that I walk faster than I run.

 

But, my tummy is just about flat again. And I RAN THREE MINUTES STRAIGHT today. TWICE! Holy frijoles, anyone who knows me knows that’s nothing short of a miracle.

 

At the beginning of my run I was feeling some very negative thoughts, mostly centering around that I wasn’t sure if I could do it, and also that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep this up ongoing. What about winter, when it’s cold and icy outside, how will I run then? Will I ever even be able to do a 5k? And so on. My first 90-second run was horrible. I was panting and couldn’t catch my breath. And it was all because of the negativity. So during the next 90 seconds as I walked, I gave myself a pep talk. It went something like this: “Actually, I can do this, because I thought I couldn’t before I even started and look at me now. And you know what? F**k that miscarriage. F**k Crohn’s. F**k it all, I’m going to do this, and I’m going to ace it.”

 

And I’m not kidding – I aced that three minute run.

 

I was slow. But I did it.

Chubby Jones!

So, I’ve officially been running for two weeks. I’m not sure if I’d call it running, though. What is it called when you run slower when you walk?

Every other morning I put on my shoes and gross t-shirt and shorts, grab my iPod and try to walk briskly out the door without tripping. Then I continue the five minute warm-up, Chubby Jones in my ear, and try not to trip. Then I do the alternate run/walk as she tells me to, focusing mostly on not tripping. So far, I mostly haven’t tripped that much.

So, two things are surprising: one, that I’ve had a few runs where I’ve only tripped once, but also the feeling I have when I do it. I feel good. Really good. I thought I’d feel TERRIBLE. But I feel like I’m doing something good for myself, and since I’m focusing on not tripping I can have that time to not focus on any other issues or problems I have in my life. It’s just me time. And then afterward, even though I’m not going too fast or too long, I do believe I’m getting that fabled runner’s high.

And Chubby Jones is awesome. She’s on iTunes, and I highly recommend her podcast.

Running… Away?

I’m trying to get in the best shape imaginable (rather than my current shape, which is essentially blob) and decided to take up running. I have several family members who run, and they all told me, “it’s so great, it’s so easy, you just have to buy shoes!”

I’m feeling really encouraged, like I can really do this. Even though technically whenever I try to do something physical, like put one foot in front of the other, I usually end up tripping. I’m pretty klutzy.

I’m heading to the running shop today to get a recommendation on shoes, and I’ve downloaded the Chubby Jones podcast for couch to 5k, which takes you slowly week-by-week until you can run for 30 minutes straight.

I’m excited. And scared. I’m excared.

Made My Day

Yesterday as I strapped my daughter into her car seat after daycare she looked at me, smiled, and said, “you’re too beautiful, mommy.”

Glee

I know I’m late to the game, but I just started watching Glee and it’s so addictive. One thing keeps sticking in my head, which is the similarities between Kurt and another adorable singing boy:

The Other Side

Several years ago when my husband and I had just gotten engaged, he had to go away for about two months for a project. I was madly in love (of course I still am) and didn’t know how I’d survive being away from him for so long. As I watched him walk through the security gate at the airport, I broke down. I was destroyed. I didn’t care that I was in public – I sobbed and sobbed. Almost immediately, two women came over to me – complete strangers – and started trying to make me feel better. They were so kind, and I tried so hard to stop crying but I just couldn’t. They told me it would be okay, they asked me about him and how long he’d be gone and where he was going. I soon learned from them that they were a mother and daughter and had just dropped off their (respectively) son and brother, who was in the Army and was being deployed to Iraq. I was shocked. These women were soothing and comforting me, and they were not only in the same situation but theirs was arguably much harder. Their loved one would be gone for more than a year, possibly longer, and was going to war.

This is an extreme example but a good one nonetheless of something I think of often – no matter what you go through, you’re never the only one going through it. And, often others are going through it worse. I don’t mean to discount anyone’s troubles. But in a weird way I see it as a comfort that even in tough times, you’re not alone. But more than that, I think of this when I see people acting in ways that seem strange to me. Why is that guy such a jerk? He probably has something going on that I don’t know about. That sort of thing.

When it comes to Crohn’s, I try to hold on to this story to remember to stay strong. “When you’re going through hell, keep going.” It’s easy to feel sorry for myself. But ultimately, that gets me nowhere. Everyone has their troubles. If I can stay strong, I can overcome mine.

Hulk Smash!!

I think the world should know that I have PMS. That way I don’t have to be responsible for anything I say or do. Coincidentally, we were watching The Incredible Hulk last night. I felt like I could really relate. Don’t make me angry…you wouldn’t like me angry. Grrr. Ha!

Good stuff. I’m actually not in a bad mood per se, I just feel like my Crohn’s symptoms get worse when I have PMS, even if I’m doing relatively well on my meds, so that uncomfortable feeling makes me moody, I guess  you could say grumpy.

Speaking of green, though, I did get to do a bit of work on my latest knitting project while we watched the movie, and that makes me feel relaxed and happy. It’s coming along well – in fact it’s almost done.

The photo doesn’t show the gorgeous green shade very well – for that, take a look at the original yarn image in this past post. I didn’t make the pattern I thought I would, Annis. It was too complicated for me. This is a different pattern using simple feather & fan. Which I still managed to screw up a little. But it looks okay.